Following 80-Percent Price Drop, CDC Confirms SpankChain Token has AIDS

The worst fears of cryptocurrency investors were confirmed Friday when SpankChain, a project that promises to “put adult entertainment on the blockchain,” was officially diagnosed with AIDS.

“The SpankChain token has been exhibiting all the classic symptoms for months now,” said Michelle Nguyen, head of the CDC’s cryptoimmunology program. “Sluggishness, mental confusion, systemic weakness. All the telltale signs were there.”

Nguyen said the SpankChain token has been put on a powerful round of anti-viral medications to help combat its illness.

“We think — after some lifestyle improvements and some fine-tuning of its drug regimen — SpankChain can recover and live a fairly normal life,” she said. “This is a manageable illness, not a death sentence. It’s possible SpankChain may even hit 25-cents again.”

When asked how SpankChain contracted the virus, Nguyen said it’s difficult to know, but it could likely be traced to unsafe listing practices.

“Quite a few crypto projects have been diagnosed with AIDS after unprotected listing on Cryptopia,” she said. “We believe the exchange may be the disease vector.”

Nguyen said investors in SpankChain had nothing to fear, as the virus cannot be transmitted through wallets.

“Personally, I’d be more worried about BountyOX,” she said. “That token will kill your portfolio faster than the ebola virus.”