Herbalife, Amway, It Works! Create New Blockchain Platform,”HamWorks!”

Three global heavyweights in the world of multi-level marketing are joining forces to build a “next generation blockchain initiative.”

Representatives from Herbalife, Amway and It Works! staged a three-way press conference Monday to announce their new cryptocurrency platform, “HamWorks!”

“We’re excited by the possibilities of integrating blockchain technologies into our business model,” said Kelly Archer, Chief Marketing Officer for It Works!, a popular health and beauty products distributor. “Financially insecure stay-at-home mothers now have more incentive than ever to be duped by our false promises.”

Archer said It Works! representatives would now be paid in HamWorks! tokens rather than cash.

“Under our previous model, each of our associates earned 1/100th of a cent for each of the 3000 Facebook posts they were required to create each day,” she said. “Now, they’ll earn a whole HamWorks! token — unless their Facebook posts fail to exhibit the required amount of demented false cheer. In that case, they’ll receive half a HamWorks! token.”

Amway spokesman Rob Bellows said his firm was thrilled to partner with its competitors.

“Let’s face it: Amway used to be the gold standard in pyramid schemes — I mean multi-level marketing,” he said. “But we could never leverage social media to exploit financial desperation and lifestyle envy the way ItWorks!¬†does. Now, we’re all part of the HamWorks! team. It’s a win/win for everyone — except for those who work for us of buy our products, of course.”

When asked why Amway, It Works! and Herbalife decided to pursue a blockchain initiative, Bellows said  the tech was a secondary concern.

“Nah — to be honest it was about the market opportunity,” he said. “The cryptocurrency world is bursting with scammers, but it’s totally amateur hour. It’s all about promising fake Bitcoin for retweets or having some 18-year-old running an investment course.

“With the introduction of HamWorks!, cryptoscamming is finally getting professionalized — and not a minute too soon.”